Sacrifices

Sacrifices are things we make even when we don't want to.  We make these sacrifices so that the people we care for know that we would go to great lengths to prove our devotion.  We may sacrifice our happiness, time, money, or even dreams.  The idea of willingly sacrificing is an amazing gesture for both parties.  Once you sacrifice for someone, the sacrifice you made becomes miniscule in comparison to the strengthened bond of the relationship.  In this light, sacrifice is good.  It allows one to show how deeply committed they are to a friend, family member, or love interest.  Sacrifice, under the proper guidance, is beautiful.

The beauty in sacrifice also lies in the reassurance that the person you sacrifice for will sacrifice for you.  Not that sacrifices should be made with this in mind, but to begin a relationship with someone in which the two of you are willing to sacrifice for each other is the epitome of good company.  If, however, you realize that the person is not willing to sacrifice in the manner that you did, or in any manner at all, pain is nearby.  Pain because its not easy to be out on a limb for someone, risking everything, and they refuse even to help you.  Pain because you feel alone and unworthy of the kindness and good treatment you bestowed upon said person.  Pain because you have sacrificed, and even in the light of disappointment, will sacrifice again, for that person's happiness; but who will sacrifice for yours?

I personally don't sacrifice much.  There are a chosen few people on the planet who I would truly sacrifice for.  Once I develop an attachment, whether it be romantic or platonic, to any person, I am willing to sacrifice for them because I enjoy their company.  For these chosen few, I would go to the ends of the Earth and back.  But would they do that for me?  My first encounter with this happened to me in elementary school when my brother's friends would tease me.  They would ridicule me and annoy me relentlessly when my brother wasn't around.  When I told him of this treatment, he plainly told me that he wouldn't give up his friends just because they made me mad.  My problem was in the fact that their willingness to disrespect me was a blatant display of their disrespect for him, and although I didn't want him to lose his friends, I had lost countless friends behind the same rules.  Needless to say I was hurt, but I learned quickly that just because you are willing to sacrifice for someone, doesn't guarantee reciprocity.

I was altogether shocked, however, to find myself in the same trap recently.  My prior exposure to such treatment allowed me to rationalize the situation, but the pain was the same.  I tend to find myself in this situation a lot.  For some reason I do the most for those who do the least for me.  This road is not one of flowers, daisies and sunshine.  But rather of false hopes, numerous disappointments and the strengthening of my resiliency.  Herein lies the problem.  Solutions anyone?   

Switch

Have you ever thought you liked somebody...until you met their best friend?

The story of my life.  For some reason I can never find the patience to wait for a better opportunity to present itself, I just accept the first offer.  A good business person would say to NEVER accept the first offer.  It's a sign of weakness and desperation. Now wait, I'm not desperate, I'd just rather have it all.  Have it all meaning I'd rather have the first offer, and also the second one too, when I'm ready.  But enough about me...

So, the obvious dilemma in the above situation is what to do.  Do you settle for the one you're with just to avoid drama and complication? Or do you go get what you want? Settling presents a few problems.  One, you're unhappy, like a child who sits outside the candy store with their face pressed to the glass.  Secondly, the person may really like you, whereas you're just being nice to save their feelings.  Thirdly, and most importantly, while your settling for second best, your opportunity for what you want can very well just pass you by.  I say this from experience because as was mentioned before...this is the story of my life.

Lets say that your a fighter, and settling for less than you're goal isn't an option for you.  Then of course you create a plan of action, and implement said plan.  Issues arise however, if the friend is loyal and whatnot, they might like you, but not be willing to act on it behind the guise of friendship.  This is bittersweet because although you love the fact that the person is loyal, you don't want to be on the wrong side of it.  Clearly, this situation can become sticky... 

Freshman Year

The most amazing, difficult, painful, joyous, chaotic, undefined and unrealistic journey there is. I found myself in places I would never have thought possible (double meaning). Where is that scared, shy at times, and sensitive adolescent that first set foot in the AUC in August? Honestly, I have no idea. I lost track of her so long ago, there's no point in wondering her whereabouts now. But she had to be ousted. I had to lose her hand to grasp my own future. I had to find the person I wanted to be, and introduce to the person I thought I'd never be. Combined with the woman my mother would be proud of, I created an individual. An individual who thinks less of consequences and revels more in the moment. An individual who's feelings are no longer on her sleeve. That was such a dangerous place for them to be. They were so easily affected by common elements that they had begun to lose their fervor. But alas, I rescued them and now the reside in the safety of their lair.

Freshman. Freshwoman is more like it. I coined this term when the feminism of the pearly gates infiltrated my judgment and I began to feel disrespected when people called me a man. Not too shabby huh? Well, behind this label I was able to charm more than a few and humor most. Now, however, I don't know what it means. Does it mean I'm fresh? Well in the urban vernacular sense of the word, I had always been fresh. Does it mean that I am rebelling against the institutions that place masculine labels and such in place in society to secretly keep control over all women? Ha. Thats a bit too excessive, even for a causeless revolutionary such as myself. Maybe its just my inner desire to always be set apart from the rest. My yearning to be considered unique. But a desire to be considered unique is disgraceful to those who truly are unique, whether others consider them as such or not. I am not altogether sure why I created this label, but I do know that it worked for the time being.

Now, as I matriculate beyond first-year status, credits, mistakes, and drama, I admire the journey I took to become who I am now. Not a shadow of regret lives in my heart. It was all worth it. Every smile, every giggle, every date, every denial, every tear, every double-booking, every time. Friends I made and lost before I knew why. Foes who became closer to me than the fake friends I had known. Friendship under the guise of physical attraction, and physical attraction that should've remained friendship. It was all worth it. I have hundreds of stories to tell, although I most likely never will. Some will be shared, and other will be taken to the grave as they say. But it was fun. All of it.