Freshman Year

The most amazing, difficult, painful, joyous, chaotic, undefined and unrealistic journey there is. I found myself in places I would never have thought possible (double meaning). Where is that scared, shy at times, and sensitive adolescent that first set foot in the AUC in August? Honestly, I have no idea. I lost track of her so long ago, there's no point in wondering her whereabouts now. But she had to be ousted. I had to lose her hand to grasp my own future. I had to find the person I wanted to be, and introduce to the person I thought I'd never be. Combined with the woman my mother would be proud of, I created an individual. An individual who thinks less of consequences and revels more in the moment. An individual who's feelings are no longer on her sleeve. That was such a dangerous place for them to be. They were so easily affected by common elements that they had begun to lose their fervor. But alas, I rescued them and now the reside in the safety of their lair.

Freshman. Freshwoman is more like it. I coined this term when the feminism of the pearly gates infiltrated my judgment and I began to feel disrespected when people called me a man. Not too shabby huh? Well, behind this label I was able to charm more than a few and humor most. Now, however, I don't know what it means. Does it mean I'm fresh? Well in the urban vernacular sense of the word, I had always been fresh. Does it mean that I am rebelling against the institutions that place masculine labels and such in place in society to secretly keep control over all women? Ha. Thats a bit too excessive, even for a causeless revolutionary such as myself. Maybe its just my inner desire to always be set apart from the rest. My yearning to be considered unique. But a desire to be considered unique is disgraceful to those who truly are unique, whether others consider them as such or not. I am not altogether sure why I created this label, but I do know that it worked for the time being.

Now, as I matriculate beyond first-year status, credits, mistakes, and drama, I admire the journey I took to become who I am now. Not a shadow of regret lives in my heart. It was all worth it. Every smile, every giggle, every date, every denial, every tear, every double-booking, every time. Friends I made and lost before I knew why. Foes who became closer to me than the fake friends I had known. Friendship under the guise of physical attraction, and physical attraction that should've remained friendship. It was all worth it. I have hundreds of stories to tell, although I most likely never will. Some will be shared, and other will be taken to the grave as they say. But it was fun. All of it.